For anyone who knows me, knows I wasn’t able to breastfeed as much as I really wanted. Before I even had a baby, I knew breastfeeding was not going to be as easy as everyone has led you to believe. I made sure I told my midwife that I knew it was going to be hard and I am glad I did because she told me about the free resources available to help new moms out.
But let me just say this: even though there are resources available to help you, it doesn’t always mean it will work out. And that is what exactly happened to me. We would go to the appointment every week hoping for a different outcome when we get home and had to do it all alone and it would never work out.
My son was able to properly latch on to my breast while I was at the clinic but when we would get home I wouldn’t be able to do it…and you know what happens when you have a bad latch…yeah, not fun at all.
Those days were long and hard. Even talking about feedings with my midwife at my postpartum checkups was hard and that is when she advised me to stop. Stopping did not help me mentally because I still felt guilty and it took a few days for me to overcome that guilt. But I want to get into why I felt guilty. It is society’s fault that we as women feel like we need to do everything that society deems is BEST for us and our babies. Well let me tell you, IT REALLY ISN’T!
The pressure is ridiculous and after trying my best and not pushing myself to have a mental breakdown, I don’t think I owe anyone an explanation. As a mother if you are not happy, it is not a good environment for your baby or your spouse/partner. Could I have tried harder to fix the issues I was having with breastfeeding? Sure. But should I have done that at the expense of what I was putting myself through mentally? NOPE.
Formula feeding my baby was the best decision I could have ever made. He is happy, healthy and gaining weight well according to his doctor and that is all that matters. If you are ever at this point and the guilt is taking over your mind, I want to say this to you: Do whatever works for you and your baby and do not let society dictate how you should be raising your child! Kudos to all you mamas and if you haven’t heard this in a while, you are doing a GREAT job!!